Tag: inquiring minds

To Work, Or Not To Work, That is The Question

To Work, Or Not To Work, That is The Question

I received a call the other day, really it was an email but the purpose was the same.  It was a question, asked by the person who took over my previous role at work, “do you want to golf on Sunday?”.  Now that sounds like a harmless question, and it may be just that simple, however my mind went into overdrive and I pondered the “What ifs?”

  • What if he is really schmoozing me to find out if I want to go back to work on contract?
  • What if he’s not, and he just wants to golf?
  • What if he misses my smiling face and wants to bond?
  • What if it’s none of the above?

Tough questions, all of them….. Not really!

I surmise what’s really happening is my ego is acting up, setting the stage for an “I’m so great and they can’t accomplish anything without me” attitude.  I am thinking that in my deep hurt from how I left my career that I am looking for vindication on some level.  I also suspect that this response is normal, or I certainly hope so.  I don’t want to think I’m unbalanced or anything.  I’m not happy that I feel this way, thinking my ego is taking over, but it wouldn’t be a stretch to my way of thinking.

I did email him back and I told him we were on the road camping, that I’d be unable to meet him.  “When you get back call me” he said.  Does that sound like somethings afoot to you?  He has never asked me to golf yet, nor has he ever suggested I call him.   Hmmm, inquiring minds need to know.

When all is said and done and our lives get back to normal I’m sure I’ll find out what the scuttle is, until then I’m left wondering.  And the question is not only whether that’s what he wanted it’s also what will/would my answer be?  That is the bigger question now isn’t it, to work or not to work?  That’s the harder one to answer.

Looking for that Pay Off, Manny here I come

Looking for that Pay Off, Manny here I come

Where does depression leave off and laziness begin?  How do I differentiate between the two?  Is it that if I don’t have the energy it’s one and not the other, cuz let me tell you it doesn’t seem that simple to me.

I was feeling so good and now, well, not as good, and I can’t tell if it’s just me or the symptoms of something bigger.  Hmmm, inquiring minds need to know, and I can’t figure it out.  One thing I do know is that perseverance pays off, and I bound and determined to get that pay off, and it better be a big one.

Retirement dominates my thoughts lately, whether tis nobler to remain and be a martyr or to leave like a coward in the night.  Most days I think the latter is the better choice, and many of my family, friends, and acquaintances agree.  Not the coward part, but the “leaving is better” part.  Kind of depart on a high note so to speak.

I have lofty goals in my retirement, I can see myself being my kids “Manny”, their words not mine, and sitting under an old oak tree plotting my life and blogging my heart out.  That is of course between bottle feedings and the odd diaper change.  Throw in the love and adoration I’ll get from all involved and my life will be bliss.

So it seems we’ve come full circle, I’m bummed, I see a possible way to get out, and the big payoff is within my grasp.  At this point it’s only fear that holds me back (I think….).