Tag: Gifted

So much Activity, So much Noise

So much Activity, So much Noise

Although I’m looking forward to camping and seeing family this summer I hope the hubbub doesn’t get to me, and there’s a good chance that at some point it will.  The activity and noise will wear on me and I’ll likely withdraw somewhat and retreat to my safe place.

I’m a very private person, some would say reclusive and others may think snobbish or stuck up.  I don’t think I’m either of the latter, I just don’t mind my own company and I’m easily overwhelmed by activity, especially if I feel as if I’m thrust into it.  It’s just the kind of person I am and that has to be ok.  I’ve heard it described as gifted, or over-excitable but whatever the reason the intensity of a group interaction is often stressful, sometimes very much so.

Camping in Pioneer Park

My wife has grown to accept this characteristic of mine and when we family camp we always take our own site rather than sharing a double site or trying to squeeze, with others, into a single.  Frequently we’ll take some private time camping before or after the family camping so we can re-connect and share alone-time together.

I need my space and am much happier when left to read or otherwise bond with myself.  I can write or journal, putter on something like my bike, the trailer or truck, or just have a beer and chill.  It’s the closest thing I can find to Nirvana and I’m perfectly happy being left to my own devices.

The rest of the family also appears to accept it and although I’m not sure how my alone-time is explained to my nieces and nephews it is still respected.  “Uncle” (me) is still asked if he wants to go on bike rides or walks and I will frequently accept.  I still love my family and cherish our relationships.  It just has to be in smaller doses than it may be with other families.

So despite the activity and noise I will adapt, I will enjoy the camping and family time holding to the thought that they won’t always be with us.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that life is short, and fickle.  Enjoy the moments while you can.

Ever feel like an Extra Terrestrial?

Ever feel like an Extra Terrestrial?

Every so often I have a moment, an period in time, where all around me is surreal, and no it’s not drugs. Some highly spiced food perhaps but no drugs.

I just don’t seem to connect with many people and find some of the conversations uninteresting and the topics mundane.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they are beneath me or not worthy of my time, because in a lot of cases I have no idea what they are talking about and really have no interest in learning.  Could be anything from why we should/should not send troops into some remote country to oust the leader or who had the most runs/goals in the game last night.  Sometimes I wish I knew more so I could fit in but much of the time I just nod and smile, and look like an idiot.  What frustrates me I think is that I know I’m smarter than that, after all I’m supposed to be “gifted” and intelligent, right?

On the upside of the topic I know now that this is not abnormal, not unusual, nor uncommon.  The way we think and the manner in which our brains process information, our interests, are a few the factors that can influence this.  Certainly there are many, many gifted individuals who can and do converse on almost any topic, and I would love to be like one of them.  I’m not though, so my goal is to love myself as is, accept myself like I am, and be the best “I” can be.  Work with me on that willya?

We meet again, Greg and I

We meet again, Greg and I

So I bumped into Greg today, he reminded me again that he and Deb would like to get out for dinner or appys and drinks at some point soon.  I didn’t put him off. In the past I may have been more non-committal but this time I guess I felt more magnanimous or something so I said sure, I just have to check with Mo.  That seemed to suffice at least for now.  We agreed to touch base soon and confirm.  I’d like to meet with friends, it’s something that is good for me and that I need to develop.

My question to the Gods would be how much do I tell him about what’s been going on in my life?  That would include what’s going on with depression and being identified as potentially gifted (still can’t bring myself to say “I’m gifted”, what’s that about?)  I would consider him a friend, albeit not close at this point.  Like he said to me, “we used to be joined at the hip”, and although I don’t really buy that I do think we did have a certain closeness where personal things could be discussed.

That has since diminished, particularly since he was involved peripherally in my move out of my old department.  Mostly he was just involved in the discussions that supported my move out but the kicker for me was this all took place behind my back, without any knowledge of the imminence of the change.  Needless to say I felt somewhat blindsided by him, not as supported as I would have hoped.  Of course his loyalty had to be with the company in most respects, I just thought I was owed a bit more.  C’est la vie.

Survived another trip

Survived another trip

Well we’ve made it back from camping in one piece.  As I suspected the crankiness wore off, I’m not even sure why I felt that way in the fist place.  My knickers were too tight perhaps.

I did a bit more reading of The Gifted Adult and it has some compelling descriptions, some of how I see myself.  One in particular talks of a gentlemen who feels angry inside, but he hides it well and no one is the wiser.

  • He sits in meetings and wonders how they can go over the same things over and over again without coming to a conclusion or making a decision.
  • He wants to stand up and yell.
  • Co-worker’s eyes glaze over when he talks of fresh ideas, and yet some time later they come up with the same concept and it is somehow their epiphany.

I can so relate.

I’m currently at the chapter where the author discusses the gifted persons need for self actualization, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I do feel like I should be accomplishing something, most days I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.  I hate coming to work, it’s mind numbing (almost spelled dumbing, how’s that for a Freudian slip?).  I’m sure I could find things in my job to challenge me but I have no interest, I’m tired of being here and cannot rouse even the smallest interest in growing my position.  Some of this may be the depression, I think it’s more that I’m just plain tired of being here.

I often think of leaving my job, taking retirement and damning the consequences.  The financial hit could be considered substantial in some books, but I also think that if I would then be happy it would all be worth it.  Isn’t that the way it should be?  I believe I am trapped by my belongings, my things. They often seem to own me as opposed to me owning them.  But I am afraid, and as a result I do nothing except lament what could be.  This may be a topic for me to discuss with Gloria.

Interesting book – "The Gifted Adult"

Interesting book – "The Gifted Adult"

I bought a good book while in Toronto a week or so ago. It’s called “The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius”. I say good because I think it will answer many of the questions I have, give me some new questions, and provide with food for thought. I hope I can pass on some of what I expect to learn.

Here I go Again – 5 characteristics of gifted people

Here I go Again – 5 characteristics of gifted people

Here I go again, when reading a book or article and some passage or concept strikes my fancy and my mind wanders, and wonders, and I feel the need to get down some thoughts. And need is not too strong a word. I almost cannot stand it and find it very difficult to focus on the task at hand, reading to understand. I promise myself “only a quick post, I’ll just jot down some ideas and get back to my reading”. Sometimes it actually happens.

So here it goes, I’m reading an article called “Can you hear the flowers sing? Issues for gifted adults” http://www.sengifted.org/articles_adults/Lovecky_CanYouHearTheFlowersSing.shtml, on the SENG website. It talks about 5 characteristics or traits of gifted people. I can’t help but not start to think about how I fit,  I have to get my thoughts down so again I put down the book and start to post.  Essentially I’ve just put down some notes and I’ll fill in the rest later.

Later, Done – I’m going to take some literary license here and copy a brief description of the characteristics. It in no way describes the trait completely, see the article for full descriptions.

Here’s the traits in italics, and how I match up after each.
Divergency. A preference for unusual, original, and creative responses is characteristic of divergent thinkers. The positive side of the trait includes people who are often high achievers, innovative in a number of fields, task committed, self-starters, and highly independent.

I believe I do think out of the box, and I’ve been told that by a number of people in various aspects of my life.  I cannot say however I am a high achiever, in fact I’d have to say the opposite.  I have been an underachiever, note the past tense.  This is something I want to work on.

Excitability. High energy level, emotional reactivity, and high nervous system arousal characterize the trait of excitability. Although excitability and hyperactivity may seem to be similar, they are fundamentally different in that gifted adults with the trait of excitability are able to focus their attention and concentration for long periods of time, to use their energy productively in a wide variety of interests, and to do many things well.

I do not have a high energy level, although if I am working on something I enjoy I can put a lot of energy into it.  In some ways I’m excitable, I can focus or concentrate for some time but I don’t think I could say “for long periods”.  It is likely quite situation specific.  I do have a very wide range of interests and I am able to do many things, and well.  I suspect that is also a relative comment as well.

Sensitivity. A depth of feeling that results in a sense of identification with others characterizes the trait of sensitivity. Gifted people form deep attachments and react to the feeling tone of situations; they think with their feelings.

I am very sensitive, I pick up on most things quite quickly.  My understanding of women may be lacking somewhat in this area though, they are more challenging to understand.  I have few deep attachments and to expand this area of my life would be beneficial.

Perceptivity. An ability to view several aspects of a situation simultaneously, to understand several layers of self within another, and to see quickly to the core of an issue are characteristic of the trait of perceptivity. These gifted adults are able to understand the meaning of personal symbols and to see beyond the superficiality of a situation to the person beneath.

This is something that at times can be a curse, just ask my family.  Each wants me to see and take their side.  I can see each side however that makes it generally more difficult to take a side.

Entelechy. From the Greek word for having a goal, entelechy bespeaks a particular type of motivation, inner strength, and vital force directing life and growth to become all the self is capable of being. Adults gifted in entelechy are highly attractive to others who feel drawn to openness, warmth, and closeness.

I aspire to grow more in this area, to become more fully grown and aware of myself and my potential.  To become more realized is the correct term I think.

Don’t feel good

Don’t feel good

So here’s the problem, I made quick notes (hence the title) and now a couple days later I can’t remember what I meant. Obviously I didn’t feel good at the time and I think it was relating to to familial strife, mother and daughter. I really feel the stress when they are fighting and always feel as if I’m in the middle. It is somewhat resolved, but maybe resolved is too strong a word, maybe abated is better. I wish it would go away, I don’t deal with stress well, particularly when it comes to this.  I’ve lost a son and have lost a relationship with one daughter, I don’t want to lose any more children.

Another thing I’ve learned through some reading lately is about 2E or Xi. 2E stands for twice exceptional and Xi for Xtra intelligence. Both relate to giftedness and I believe are meant to be alternate descriptions.  There are quite a few web documents on the subject, I first learned about them by reading various articles on a website called SENG: Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted http://www.sengifted.org/ .  There’s also a link in my sidebar.  Lots of interesting stuff.

I’m also posting on another gifted site called “Gifted For Life” http://giftedforlife.com/, there is a link to this as well in the sidebar.  It feels good to conversing with people of similar experiences, and I’m learning to which is good, and hopefully building some confidence in this area.

Ever Feel like you're being Avoided?

Ever Feel like you're being Avoided?

I don’t know if this is really happening or am I just suffering from some form of persecution complex, an avoidance sensitivity of sorts. It seems when I pass certain others in the hall at work that there is all of a sudden this discomfort in the air, a chill, people begin stammering and looking at their shoes. This is primarily people I’ve whined at in the past so perhaps they think I’m going to whine again. That is assuming of course that what I’m perceiving is correct. If not I’m just nuts, plain and simple.

There’s been a number of my associates (what were then peers) and those above me who I’ve spilled my proverbial guts to over the past number of years, listing any number of slights I felt I’d been subjected to, complaining of the various ills the company is experiencing and how I think they should be fixed. Now bear in mind I still believe many of the situations/scenarios still exist, it’s just that now I’d be more cautious or selective in how and who I share them with. At that point I’d have to say I was in full blown “Depression“, I was certainly unwell emotionally.  I will say it again though I really believe many of the problems were really there, just not everyone could see them.

That is where aspects of the giftedness come in, I could “see” things others could or would not see.  And No, I’m not talking about seeing little green men, I’m thinking more of company trends, management techniques that are not productive, people that are not effective.  I saw them, still do, and now the chickens are coming home to roost as they say.  Anyway I think those now in management don’t get it and just think I’m a wing nut.  My only satisfaction is there are those in the field who agree completely and like me feel powerless to do anything about it.

Nuf said, I still think I’m being avoided.