Tag: Wife

Managing your Stress, or Managing your Stress(or)

Managing your Stress, or Managing your Stress(or)

We just got back from Spokane, a city a few hours south of us, where we went for bit of a weekend getaway and some shopping.  Shopping certainly wasn’t at the top of my list, I was more the designated driver, but I did walk through the malls and do a bit of people watching.  I also bought book on writing, and a pair of noise cancelling headphones, 2 pair in fact.  I found the first ones in Radio Shack, basically the first store I looked in, and the second in Costco.  The Costco unit seemed to work better, so I got sucked in and threw them into the cart.  Now I ask you, what am I going to do with 2 pair?  Certainly didn’t save any money, now did I?

I also learned something else on this trip, besides the fact I get sucked in easily, and this may be the most important thing of all.  I learned how I can manage some of my stress, and on the surface it sounds so simple, but will it stand the test of time?

Time.  Time is actually the key, time is the point to this whole exercise. I’ll elaborate.

When we decided to go on the trip my wife asked me “what time to you want to leave?”.  I told her about 10 am (perhaps I never should have said “about”), she replied “ok, wake me at 9 am”.  I did, she got up, did this and that, and by then 10 o’clock came and went and we were bumping into the 11 o’clock hour pretty quickly.

We were finally all packed and moving toward the door when she asked me if I had shut off the computer.  No I replied, “good” she said, “I just want to check something on Google images, it’ll only take 2 seconds”.  Now I love my wife but at that comment I lost it.  “Nothing ever takes you 2 seconds” I said, and probably in volume higher than necessary.  I was so angry, so frustrated that we weren’t keeping to the schedule we agreed to.  I couldn’t speak to her for a couple hours, I still bristle at the thought.  It is a pattern that repeats itself constantly, and I know pouting is not productive.

Anyway, to the point, we arrived in Spokane and I took her to the various stores she wanted to hit.  I waited in the car and read, which is ok, I’ve learned to like doing that for short periods.  I’ve become one of “those husbands”, who wait in the car and read the paper or listen to the radio, except in my case it’s reading self help books.  It’s when we got to the mall(s) that I had my epiphany Now an epiphany is described as “A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization”.  Is that appropriate or what?

So, my wife said, “what time do you want to meet?”  Oh, Oh.  Do you see where I’m going here?  I did. I totally saw the potential for further stress and anger in that simple question.  My answer was: “take as much time as you need, text me when you’re done”.  How’s that for a fast learner?

I used it on 2 separate occasions down there and it worked wonderfully each time, and of course you have to have the time to spare, it won’t work if you have to be somewhere at an allotted time. I just did some window shopping or found a place to wait and didn’t feel the same “watching the clock” stress I’ve felt in the past.  Say what you like but she seldom ever arrived at the designated meeting place at the appointed time so invariably I was waiting anyway, getting more and more frustrated as the minutes passed.  This way I was doing what I wanted (reading) until she was done.  Basically I just bought a book and some coffee, and sat in the bookstore coffee shop and read.  I did do some writing as well so it was all good.

So my challenge now will be to see if this method works in other situations.  I’m pretty pleased in the results on this occasion, less stress for both of us and we came home on a more positive note.  I still have to figure out which headphones to keep and what I’m going to do with the other set but in the big picture that’s small potatoes, because I still have my head.

Cranky again, Probably the beer

Cranky again, Probably the beer

You know I felt fine for the most part today but after I spent some time on the computer after work, and had a couple beer, I just got cranky.  It could be because I was reading blogs on depression, had some pertinant thoughts I wanted to share (I felt) and after I finished entering my enlightening comments my post disappeared, never to be found.  Shit, dagnammit.

Could it be because when I mentioned my crankiness to my wife she said “I know, I feel cranky too”.  Is it only me or does she frequently seem to have the same “maladies” that I do.  If my back is sore hers is more sore, if I talk about my job she tells me her work is so stressful.  Can’t I just have some disfunction of my own???

Patience my son, patience

Patience my son, patience

I’m recognizing my impatience in a number of circumstances lately and I need to determine if it is the particular circumstances and/or person involved, or is it me over-reacting to the situation?  I will need to do some real soul searching.  Mostly this seems to occur with my wife, and I certainly don’t want to beat her up, because I think that kind of reaction is what contributed to this in the first place.  I think even she would agree she had some esteem issues, and my commenting or trying to fix whatever is causing me frustration will likely not make it any better.

In this particular case we went for a bike ride, supposedly a relaxing event.  She was all keyed up with some work issues and frequently commented on how stressed she was, and how riding the bike was stressful (she relates it to a previous motorcycle accident we had), and how the bumpy dirt road caused her stress, etc..  It just was a bit overkill in my miind, but I said nothing and tried to be supportive.  I don’t know if I did that part well, or if she noticed. Of course all this happens when we are trying to get ready for camping too, which we (hopefully) leave for tonight.

So the bottom line is whether I can help her in any way, without feeding her anxiety.  Can I deter her from being as dramatic?  Is it just me.

I do know that one of the characteristics of Xi or giftedness is an impatience with others, I certainly am seeing that.