Tag: Stress

Dad's move, cont.

Dad's move, cont.

Spending lots of time phoning and contacting various services regarding Dads move.  I feel not too bad about it now, I’m afraid the chickens are going to come home to roost soon though and whatever stress is lingering out there will alight.

In some ways I find the process of getting him moved interesting and challenging, something to be overcome and whipped into shape.  I have a number of helpers and I’ve found (fairly recently) that people are more than willing to help if you ask.  I have tried to avail them of that assistance as needed, and it is a weight off my shoulders when it happens.  Trying to accomplish all of this within the week we’ve had will be a feat for sure, doing it alone overwhelming.

I slept pretty well last night waking only once around 2 am.  Not sure if something woke me or it was some internal switch that came on saying “hey, what’s up?”  It could have just been Mo coming to bed.  I fell prompty back to sleep though and woke again when the alarm went off at 5.

I do wish I felt energized like I did a few months ago.  I did have the desire and energy to do small projects after getting home from work, something I had not had for some time, and haven’t had much of lately to speak of either.  Perhaps it’s just that I need to buckle down and do it, could it only be that simple?

I don’t recall if I mentioned this but my daughter Ay has formally announced she is pregnant, it will be 15 weeks this Friday if I count correctly.  I’m gunna be a grandpa.  I guess technically I am already as my other daughter Tr has children but we don’t know them and I’m not sure if they consider us family still or not.  Another saga for another day.

Foul mood, 2 Strikes and a Home run

Foul mood, 2 Strikes and a Home run

Boy did I get into a funk yesterday afternoon.  I was in a pretty good mood during the day, all things considered, but when I got home I just felt plain ugly.  Perhaps some of the issues regarding my Dad came to roost.

I’ve received news at last that he can get into an Assisted living complex in the area, in fact we can move him any time.  I spent a chunk of my time yesterday trying to come up with some plan and schedule as to how we can do that in as short a period as possible.  I had a couple meetings later in the afternoon and felt somewhat harried at that point, in fact I had to leave my last meeting a bit early to get out of the building in time to go to the airport.  I had to pick up my bag that had gone AWOL after my trip.  Unfortunately it was not early enough as I saw the airline counter people leaving as I was just driving up and there was nobody left there that could give me my bag.  Strike one.

Next stop was to the shop where work was to be done to my truck last week.  They still had my keys.  They also explained why they didn’t do the work requested, another mis-communication.  Strike two.

Then to home finally, where my wife went through the litany of things she’d done, mostly for me.  It just overwhelmed me for some reason and I got all uptight.  No verbal exchanges took place, instead I had a glass of wine (or two) chilled and had some smoked salmon for dinner.  All’s good, home run.

Still not sure what the cause of the stress/funk was but I felt better this morning.  Still have a whack of things to do for Dad, to accomplish his move in a relatively stress free manner, but we are making headway.  Just have to remain calm and collected.

Smells, the Toronto life

Smells, the Toronto life

My visit to Toronto is underway, the trip to Megs wedding and festivities to come. I’ve taken the trolley downtown in advance of the required time. I will feel more comfortable knowing where I am going prior to actually having to do it.

I’m a bit surprised as I ride the trolley, seeing many kinds of people on and off the tram, we rumble along with the windows open and I am frequently introduced to the smells, some not as pleasant as I would have hoped. My visit to Thailand pops back to mind where steaming goods were offered on the street and their smells were invariably mingling with those of garbage or other decaying matter.

Bikes are everywhere and when not being ridden are chained to ubiquitous stands designed for the express purpose of restraining your ride.  I talked to a local who told me fines are prevalent if you don’t follow the rules, some of which include the requirement to have a bell and light.  Interesting.  Megs new brother in law also told us how they are utilizing the bicycle pods in Toronto as well, where if you are a member of the “club” you can retreive a bike from one of the many bicycle storage pods in the city, ride it and drop it off at any other pod.  Neat idea.  I’ve heard of it being tried, or going to be tried, in Vancouver and thought it an interesting concept there as well.

Busy city too, this Toronto, the hustle and bustle of daily activity.  Not unlike other cities I’m sure, not a lifestyle I would choose personally.  The constant activity of it causes me some stress.

I spent some time at CN tower, although the view was great I rapidly got tired of the waiting. Many people were milling about and the mass of bodies waiting with me gave little consolation. Certainly my feet and back would have appreciated somewhere to rest their weariness, but that was yet to come on my next stop. Were that to be at the 3D movie or the Roundhouse, a microbrewery/pub.

Good Morning, as in "a good morning"

Good Morning, as in "a good morning"

Woke up feeling better this morning, always have some morning grog but it turned around after a bit and now all is good. I wasn’t feeling horrible yesterday but like my wife said it was like my knickers were too tight, I was just feeling edgy. I think a lot of it was the stress of yesterday and my dealing with Dads affairs, and associated delays and complications. I often wonder what my capacity is for stress, do I handle it well? ie does stress affect me more or less than others?

I notice the sun shining today, a cool breeze is evident now, at 8:30 am, and the potential is in the air for inclement weather. I’m not desiring to become a meteorologist only commenting on observations as G suggested I do.

I’m sitting in the waiting area, the hall, of the Radiology department waiting to go in for my CT scan. It was ordered for me in hopes of coming to conclusions about what’s going on with my lower back and thigh/groin pain. I notice the other patients both old and young, and looking out the window across the alley, over the garbage bins, I see through the opposite window the lab techs hard at work testing whatever they test. I don’t know that my observation skills are particularly astute, and thinking about it these observations are not likely what G had in mind. What would probably be more appropriate would be my commenting on things in my life that I’m more aware of now than I would have been prior to my course of treatments, post meds and counseling.  Time to go in for my scan.

Ciao

Dad again

Dad again

Well Dad’s had his assessment and it sounds like he’s a good candidate for assisted living.  I think we are well on our way to having him move closer to us, soon I hope, but there are still a few hurdles that need to be crossed.  The current one is getting his current tax info.  He can’t remember if/when he’s had it done though and that is making the task a little more difficult.  We will persevere though, these are not tasks that are impossible only challenging, especially from a distance.

The whole situation causes me to have many emotions though, frustration is a big one, along with sadness, grief over loss, anxiety, and some optimism of all things.  Hope that he will make it long enough to come live near us, and in a small way I just want it all to end.  It makes me tired and stressed.

G's visit- Word for the day is Adapting, I do it all the time

G's visit- Word for the day is Adapting, I do it all the time

It appears that keeping up the posts is a bigger challenge than I’ve anticipated, maintaining a schedule should not be too hard even though I can’t seem to achieve it.

I’m just waiting now for my appt with Gloria, don’t really know what we’ll chat about and I hope it will be fruitful.

One of my frustrations is continual procrastination, and I have a book on the topic and inevitably I continue putting off reading it.  There’s something in that statement I think.  I’ll have to resurrect it I think, and in fact at one point I thought I threw it out.

We could talk more about family issues too, either the mother/daughter dynamics, my annoyance with Mo’s sister, or perhaps my Dad and the issues around him.  Likely that will come up. I think my most relative emotion there will be guilt, for not being there for him and also for not wanting to be.  That’s likely the kicker.
~~~
After visit with Gloria:

Much of the above was discussed. And….

  • possible visit with Tracy
  • visiting/socializing with others, and likely work itself, require I “adapt”.  Hearing it expressed that way opened my eyes.
  • I shouldn’t feel guilty about my taking time away from Dad care, and asking for help
  • I’m doing well in setting boundaries when it comes to socializing, in camping and at home.  Ties in with the adapting theme.
  • we talked about what gifted means, about seeing connections between things that others don’t see, or seeing them sooner.  How I/we see or perceive more things around us, are sensitive to more sensory input (my words).
  • I talked of how I feel as if I’m seen as a good listener, a trusted confidant, a wise soul, and how that can drain me, taking in others troubles with no one to talk to myself.  I now talk to Gloria of course but ultimately a peer or someone of like mind, someone I can relate to on the same level, would be preferable.  She suggests hat will likely come.
  • we talked of this blog and the direction it has, and perhaps should, take. How I want to open up but at the same time are afraid of sharing too much.

I enjoy the chats when we do get into it, the nugget this week was my “adapting” to certain circumstances, a strength but something to be aware of so as not to overdo it.  I adapt when in social circumstances, I adapt in my job, I adapt in areas which are somewhat outside my comfort zone.  The act of adapting requires the expending of energy, putting up a “persona” of sorts, possibly a forcefield on occasion.

What I want to know is why can’t I come up with this shit on my own?  I’m supposed to be a bright guy. Go figure.

And as an aside, is it (that I feel) constant validation I think Ma is looking for, judging by my take on various comments and the context she makes them in?  Draining.

Camping again – Kikomun

Camping again – Kikomun

Our second round of camping is well under way with our second week of 2 beginning at Kikomun Creek/Lake campsite. We have met Mo’s family here for what seems like an annual event.

Unfortunately I don’t really look forward to it and that in itself bothers me.  I want to want to be with everyone but I find it tiresome being around others for long.  I just chalk it up to being a private person who doesn’t mind my own company.

Dad's condition, Stressed again

Dad's condition, Stressed again

I’ve talked at some length to Dad’s hospital social worker about his condition and prognosis.  I won’t go into detail here, both because it’s not required and because it’s expensive doing it on my phone while using roaming.

Suffice to say he’s doing ok medically but the congestive heart failure has not been stabilized, yet.  We talked about his future and where his needs could best be met, at his home or elsewhere, ie an extended home facility somewhere, possibly here.

I feel a bit stressed by the whole thing and that was one reason I didn’t want to go there.  Am I a bad person then?  Am I abandoning him in his time of need?

We were never what I would call close, my father and I.  In fact I’d have to say my relationship with both my parents was somewhat distant.  That’s how I recall it anyway, and it may be fair to say my memory might be inaccurate, although the reality is that my whole life now and how I act, how I am, is based on that history and how I saw it going down.  All of that perception of my past was used in part to determine how I raised my kids and what I wanted my relationship with them to be.

Sadness over Father and Step-Father

Sadness over Father and Step-Father

I’m very sad today thinking of the loss of Larry, my stepfather, and potential loss of my Dad.  Am I doing the right thing by not going down there to Langley to see Dad?  I feel like an uncaring son but in reality and couldn’t do much even if I was there.  It’s a weekend and all we could really do is visit him and be a moral support for him.  It could be good for him but would it be good for me or more stress?

Frustrated, Trying to teach

Frustrated, Trying to teach

So Mo is very overwhelmed today, she has a new/additional job and it is causing her a lot of stress, and her learning curve is very steep.  She has asked me for some help on the computer and I have offered suggestions however she is so stressed she is having a hard time hearing me.  Yes, it’s true that the way I am communicating is possibly not effective, or it is too much information in a short period of time.  It is also frustrating for me.

I find this occurs frequently and although it’s been said to me many times that I should be a teacher I often feel a similar frustration in trying to maintain my patience when teaching things to people.  I’m sure it’s a problem primarily when trying to explain something to family, and worse the closer they are.  I just wish I knew why.