Tag: Mother

Here we go again

Here we go again

Originally posted on

I think “Here We Go Again” is a title of an old song, can’t be sure though and it really doesn’t matter. In this sense it only means here I go, putting up another very late post.

I see it’s not been since January of this year that I visited here to write. I’m surprised! My my, where does the time go?

I’ve been active and there are many things that have happened around me. Perhaps no more than to the average bear but they were, of course, significant to me. Mostly it’s just life stuff.

One thing of note was that since my last post I’ve gone back on the ‘juice’. Now before you get all confused or concerned you must realize the ‘juice’ in this context is an anti-depression medication, in this case Citalopram. Last year I was on Mirtazapine but in my wisdom I chose to get off the meds and see how things turned out. Not too well evidently.

After stopping the Mirts I did not become suicidal or anything close to that self destructive, it was more a case of low moods and and a frequent sadness I couldn’t seem to avoid. In fact, as I told my doctor, I would often get very teary and emotional during commercials on tv. I short I was very often low. This didn’t happen immediately but became more pronounced over time. In a nutshell I was not better, more help was needed, but I persevered.

In January we went to Okotoks to our niece’s. That’s where we had gone to visit during our annual get-away and where I last posted  Typically we go somewhere away from our city to just be away, to regroup and recharge. January is the month our son died so since then, Jan. of 2000, we either take a week in our time-share or perhaps we go to visit kin. In this case the kin won. It was a nice visit, a good escape. I had no overt depression or anxiety but my sadness lingered.

During that same month my Mother moved out of our basement suite where she had lived for a 7 or so years. She and my step-Father had moved in when they found the challenges of living alone, away from town, a challenge. My step-Father Larry unfortunately passed away a few years ago just after his 80th birthday but my Mom stayed with us. Now, through a series of outside circumstance, she felt moving to Langley was the best choice for her and her siblings so she took on the challenge of moving and went to the big city. I supported her move and still do. It is her call and I think I can appreciate her reasons.

Since her move we have spent time refurbishing the suite in hopes of attracting another good tenant. I won’t belabour the point but all went quite well and in the end we gained my (ex) brother-in-law Jake as a new ‘person under the stairs’. I could likely write volumes about the dynamics of him and his wife (and her family) but I won’t. I would like cause you some disbelief and wonderment about how these kinds of relationships could even take place. Maybe not though, I guess they are on reality tv all the time.

But I digress. After our foray away and my Mom’s move I just reached the point where I knew a change was needed. Don’t misunderstand, my situation was neither caused nor exacerbated by either our trip, the timing, nor my Mom’s leaving. They were only pointers in time, the inevitable return to medication was evident by that point.

After our return home a visit to my doctor supported my diagnosis, he determined I was depressed and had a higher degree of anxiety than ‘normal’. A regime of anti-depressants were again prescribed. In consult with the doctor we decided to try the Citalopram as I felt the Mirtazapine did not hold up it’s end of the bargain and let me down after some time. This became more evident as I re-read my paper journal and saw a decline in my moods over time. Another reason I had chosen to stop the Mirts. The Citalopram would also apparently help with any anxiety.

At any rate here we are. After being on the Cital since Jan. 28th I feel better once again. Not so much something you may be able to see but more an even-ess and stability of mood. I have more motivation and am getting some things done. I do hope it continues. My sleep has improved and although I dream crazy dreams now it is more restful. A drawback to the Citalopram is a tiredness during mid morning but I may change when I take my dose to dinnertime and the drowsiness may abate.

So in that sense I hope the tagline “Here we go again” is a positive one and I don’t find myself regressing over time. Keep your fingers crossed for me.


Mothers Day, Bah Humbug!

Mothers Day, Bah Humbug!


Hello, I bet you thought this was going to be a rant about Mothers Day, didn’t you?  Au contraire.  Well, it may be a little but not the way you might think, more in the sense that I’m annoyed with the commercialization of so many of our celebratory days, including Mothers Day.

Mother’s Day, like other holidays, is meant to celebrate and show appreciation for a person or event, but somehow it seems to have come to be a cash grab for greeting card or gift suppliers.  That just grates on me.  I’m all for showing love and appreciation, and that may include a gift, however when you see a significant price increase on flowers or other forms of appreciation on or around the date of the holiday that smacks of “all wrong”.

400daystil40 puts it eloquently in her post “Giving Insanity” where she talks of gift giving for children and others. Somehow the whole idea of gift giving has gone sideways, what should be a thoughtful exchange has become something else.  Can we go back, please?

Inspiration from Others

Inspiration from Others

"Writing", 22 November 2008
“Writing”, 22 November 2008 (Photo credit: dr_ed_needs_a_bicycle)

Inspiration can can come from many sources, whether it’s the beauty of an scene outside your window or the heartfelt comments of a friend or loved one. In my case it’s more the latter with both sources, friend and family, having a part.

My mother should get highest honors in that arena having written 2 books so far and working on her 3rd. She has sent me her rough texts to read and in the process I’ve grown to have a better understanding of her and her past.  She inspires me.

My friend is an additional source having started her own blog. She has a knack for the art and although she’s only posted a few times I see a maturity and openness in her posts that give me hope for mine.  She is a single mother and I’m awed with her energy.

All we can hope for is to reach others through our written word.  It’s not the inspiration that challenges me, I often have that.  The ideas are there, I’ve only to tap into them.  It’s the dedication and determination to create another post, something that will strike a chord with others.  Whether it’s the time I don’t seem to have or the energy that’s evaporated from my life I’ve become stuck again.  I tell myself that retirement will cure that problem, that it will alleviate the stress that demotivates me and provide me with the time and energy that will move my writing forward.  I’m optimistic, and in the end isn’t optimism part of the solution?

So I will keep posting, on a frequency that works for me now.  In the upcoming months I hope to have more time and with a little luck and continued inspiration perhaps I’ll pick up the pace.  I read somewhere that typically blogs will die within one month, that the blogger will run out of steam or enthusiasm and the posts will cease.  I hope that will not be the case with me. It’s been just short of a year and I see no end in sight.  I’ll keep you “posted”.