Tag: Light

Well Lit, Dark Place

Well Lit, Dark Place

I think I’m emotionally in a dark place lately, but at times it seems well lit, make sense?

A light in the dark
A light in the dark

It’s just that I feel emotionally alone, and that’s ok, that seems to be the dark place, and while I may not prefer it I do accept it in some fashion. It’s the fact that I seem to understand and accept the situation that makes it feel illuminated or lit.

And I don’t think it’s the ‘depression’, I believe it’s something more fundamental, something basic to my make-up or mental health.  I’m beginning to think it’s just the way I am.  Some of my first thoughts are that it’s Aspergers syndrome or some similar condition or disorder.  Some variation of Autism.  You can read about some of the characteristics here, on Wikipedia. Isn’t this curious, my self-diagnosis?

What precipitated this latest ah ha moment was a tv show called Dexter.  The show is about a man who witnessed the brutal slaying of his mother when he was a young child and the horrific situation made him emotionally disconnected as an adult.  Now I’ve never had those experiences but it’s the ongoing patter of his ‘inside voice’ that caused me to think.

We are somewhat alike. I have some of those same attributes, difficulty relating to others on an emotional level, emotionally disconnected, unable (or unwilling) to bond on a deeper emotional level.  Almost uncaring.  And yet I do feel deep sadness at times, and elated happiness. This is where I’d differ from my friend Dexter, that is where I can see how we are not so much alike.

Still, it makes me think, why am I the way I am?  Perhaps I need a stronger light to overpower the darkness.

The Beauty Surrounds Us

The Beauty Surrounds Us

Fall colours

One thing photography has given me, or re-given I guess, is the awareness of the light and how it plays out on our surroundings.  I’m more aware of the beauty around me now that I’ve taken the camera up again.  It amazes me what we can take for granted.

It provides me a challenge though, in that while driving I frequently want to stop and pull out my camera.  I want to capture the colours, or the shapes, or the people doing what they do.  It has to be enough though that I can appreciate it for what it is at that time, because generally the time isn’t right for me to stop.  Perhaps that’s a bad attitude.

I do stop frequently and try to capture what is occurring in the moment but that is not often practical, not always prudent.  I may be on my way somewhere or have a not-so-patient passenger, know what I mean?

If I’m out by myself and have the time I’ve been known to turn around or even back up on the street in order to get that “the light’s just right shot” but at the same time I need to be careful.  In my zeal to see the beauty I may miss the obvious, I may not see the car stopping suddenly in front, or the pedestrian walking along the road.

So how do I balance this?  How do others do it?  Give me some tips, please.

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