Author: Dwayne

Pay Attention, To the Attention

Pay Attention, To the Attention

Pay attention, to the attention. A catchy phrase if I do say so myself.

I’ve taken to journalling for/to each of my grandkids, an idea that came up from a YouTube video I inadvertently came across one night. In the video, which was oriented toward journals, the creator mentioned he has kept journals for each of his grandkids and I thought it was a great idea! Nuf said, I’ve done it.

As I wrote to my grand-daughter Ivy today I was reminiscing over the many times she has run lovingly into my arms, or spontaneously yelled out (literally) Poppa!, as she charges towards me. It melts me, as it should, and the challenge for me is to recognize and appreciate it. I have to ‘pay attention’ to it. I must Pay Attention to HER Attention. Paying attention, or acknowledging the attention paid to me, must be a priority. The kids need to know that I am appreciative of their love. And really it should apply to everyone.

 

Out, and In the Clear

Out, and In the Clear

In my efforts to be security conscious when away from my home network I’m using a VPN as I write this. I’m in one of my favourite haunts, a local pub, and while I’m sure nothing will happen (read that I ‘hope’ I don’t get hacked) I felt it prudent to use some safety measures when going online. So far it’s done nothing but frustrate me to no end. I think I’m going to resort to taking my chances with the VPN off. Arghh.

I’m out of the hospital now, have been for almost a week. That was something I hope I never have to experience again. Colon surgery can be a cake-walk I’m sure, but not so much if you ask me. In reality the surgery itself went well, I assume anyway as I was out for all of it. It was the post-op that was not so fun. Between the noisy ward, my discomfort from a bloated belly, sore back, lack of sleep, and general stress related to not wanting to be there, I did not have any fun. Throw in a stomach tube and my visit to the hospital was golden.

Add to that I was discharged on Wed. after a week, later than hoped, and then due to a torn incision I had to be re-admitted via Emerg on Friday, a day and a half after leaving.

On a positive note the second visit was generally much more pleasant. My bloating began to diminish after a day or so and due to crowding in the hospital I was kept in the post-op recovery ward which was much quieter and relaxing (relatively).

As my gut shrank and my bowels began working again my appetite improved, and I actually became ravenous for food. I truly looked forward to the hospital meals, actually enjoyed them if that’s not weird. I’m not a broccoli fan either but when my dinner plate arrived with a healthy dose of it on it I basically inhaled it and almost licked the plate.

I was released again, for the final time, 3 days later on Monday. Thankfully now that I’m home I’ve not looked back and I’m improving daily. I’m thankful for that, and that nothing of note was found in the biopsy.

While I’m glad we’ve had a happy ending it was not an experience I want to revisit again soon.

Chatter and Prattle

Chatter and Prattle

I came to the pub today, Brandt’s to be exact, and filled in my obligatory journal (paper). It’s not so obligatory really, it was just something I started some years ago and want to continue. I enjoy it really and except for the commitment of time I find it therapeutic.

During the process of writing I commented on the ‘sound’ level here in the pub. Between the music, the background chatter, and the prattle (perceived) from patrons I’ve become a bit stressed. That’s probably a good thing for the pub, likely causes guests to drink more.

It does cause me to drink more, hell almost anything causes me to drink more. That’s a joke really, I don’t think I drink that much, but the auditory stimulation does increase my stress.

So, back to the chatter and prattle. To combat the levels of stimulation I’m getting from sound I thought I’d try something a little different today, I brought ear plugs. They’re custom fit units I brought from a previous employer, and are unobtrusive for the most part, but they are visible and as a result I feel a bit like one of those ‘old guys’, you know the ones that complain about music, noise, and almost anything that younger folk like. I’ve become that guy.

I’m probably that guy in any number of ways. I probably don’t even recognize most of the ‘that guy’ symptoms. That’s ok, I’ll live in my own little oblivious life.

So now my own prattle has taken over so it’s likely time to stop. Quit while the going’s good.

Once again, my Profound Post lost….

Once again, my Profound Post lost….

I had a great (I thought) post created and ‘poof’ one wrong button pressed and away it went to nothingness. Here I’ll try to reproduce the perfection of it all, and ‘Save’ frequently.

Booze has nothing to do with me losing my creations. Sure I’ve indulged (and enjoyed it) and sometimes it’s how things gotta roll.

I’ve had some visitors to my site, most are ‘ghosts’, electronically created non-entities, designed to plug the system and create imitation followers. I’m too smart for that though.

Some are real people, some I’ll follow in return ‘cuz they’re interesting. They may be like minded or just ‘real’, whatever the reason they get my vote. I like followers, especially when they’re real.

Things are good here, my life is…..satisfactory. I still have my challenges and I’ll continue to work with them. After all, that’s what life is, taking the hand life dealt and playing it. Take care all.

 

Lookee here…

Lookee here…

Well, obviously I’m back in, if you’re sure it’s me that is. Now my dilemma, the question of the day is whether to continue using this site or move my (sporadic) posting to my own domain, skidaddy.ca. In the meantime I’ll just link to my recent post here.

http://skidaddy.ca/?p=1663

Back in the saddle, so to Speak..

Back in the saddle, so to Speak..

Well, I am back in, got my 2 factor figured out. Actually the WordPress people were very accommodating so I can’t say anything against my experience there. I am of course referring to the site at skidaddy.wordpress.com.

For now though I am going to post here, more from a ‘shits’n giggles’ point of view than anything else. It was sorta what I’d envisioned all along anyway.

So to the point. My life is proceeding along nicely. I feel no worse for wear, my depression is manageable and other than a recent cold/flu I feel physically well. I did however just have a colonoscopy and while the procedure went well they did find an unacceptable number of polyps. Some were removed at the time but one large one will require surgery to remove. All removed samples are being examined for signs of the big ‘C’.

Interestingly enough I feel rather disconnected from the experience, and the outcome. Perhaps it’s a coping mechanism, maybe just another example of a disconnect from my feelings. I don’t know why that is, if I could talk to Elly, or someone, about it then some conclusion might be reached. I don’t recall ever going down that road with her. Elly was my most recent Counsellor (or Counselor, depending on country).

I very much miss my chats with her. She brought a certain amount of clarity to things in my life. I often suspected however that while I may have been an interesting diversion, or client for her, that my needs were not what she considered her most life altering. I’m perfectly ok with that, if it’s true. She was still important to me. I will contact her to update my life.

Otherwise my life here is pretty mundane. I’m not an excitement junky, hanging around the house doing genealogy, some photography, perhaps the odd ‘honey-do’ project, keeps me busy. I’m seldom bored. If I feel the need I take a walk, like today, and maybe frequent one of the local establishments. You never know I might even write.

 

Fear of the Unknown

Fear of the Unknown

Just recently I attempted to update some info on this blog and found I was locked out of the account settings and security features. Not a good thing! I am obviously still able to post, but not sure for how long. Fear of the unknown.

The reason is largely of my own doing. In actual fact I guess it’s ALL my own doing, by neglecting to remember/follow clear admonitions by WordPress about generating and keeping ‘restore codes’ to access my account should this exact situation occur.

What created this problem was that I changed my phone and my phone number when we moved. When doing that I lost the ability to authenticate my ownership of this blog. This only applies if you have 2 factor authentication set up, and if you fail to prepare for this eventuality.

So, the long and short of it is that I’m in discussion with the WordPress “Happiness Engineers” to possibly resolve this situation and re-establish my authenticity. If I am unable to regain my full access and control of this site I will be forced to begin posting on skidaddy.ca. I have tried to move/copy my posts to skidaddy.ca but at this time only some of them have transferred. That new site is also a bit of a mess visually/organizationally at this time but hey, you do whats u gotsa do.

Wish me luck!

Update time

Update time

Originally posted on
Change, in it's many forms

It appears I’ve been remiss and forgotten to provide an update to my last post.  Probably my most concise (and appropriate) sentiment is ‘Oh Baby, I’m Sooo Tired’.

If I ever decide to move again, of my own free will (ie without a court appointed incarceration), please remind me of this particular event. If we make it through this and the upcoming months it will be a miracle. That is if we make it without killing each other, or being killed. We could just pass away from exhaustion too I guess.

Now I say that with a bit of jest, and a tinge of exaggeration, but the moving out of our ‘old’ house portion of this exercise was something I’d care NOT to do again at least in the foreseeable future. Again, if it’s ‘of my free will’. If old age and senility takes over then all bets are off. It will be up to family to take up the challenge and put us somewhere safe.

We never in a million years would have believed that we have that much crap. And that’s after giving, dumping, and selling a bunch of non essentials. And it just seems to keep multiplying, like prolific rabbits.

At this point we have moved into our new home and have been here for about 10 weeks. I had begun writing this post at that time but you know, life got in the way.

Back to the junk……about 3 weeks after we took possession of the house we went back to Castlegar to pick up the rest of our belongings. We had moved in originally on May 3 with just the basics. Most of our worldly goods had been put into storage, into one of the 3 storage units we rented. Can you believe it, 3 stalls! In order to get it to our new place I rented a 26′ moving van in Kelowna and thought that would be enough to transport my sh**. WRONG! After all the van was advertised as being big enough for a 4 bedroom house. WRONG again, not my 4 bedroom house anyway. And that was without any appliances.

So the day came and we drove from Kelowna to Castlegar, went to the storage units and jammed everything from them into the van. You might think ‘jammed’ is an exaggeration but you’d be wrong, and I have pictures to prove it.

So long story short we loaded the balance of our worldly possessions and travelled uneventfully to our new home, arriving sometime around midnight. The next morning friends and family arrived to help us unload. We disgorged the contents of the truck into what was my empty 2 car garage, winced and started drinking. Unfortunately that only dulled the pain temporarily.

We have now had about 3 or 4 more weeks to digest our predicament. The house is full of all the knick knacks one can fit and the garage is still half full of boxes, and some furniture. There is hope for the future however. Within the near future I should be able to park at least one car back in there. When that day comes one of my dreams will be realized. At this time I have simple needs.

I’ve Left (still), And Am in the Process of Moving

I’ve Left (still), And Am in the Process of Moving

Posted on

While I’m still ‘gone’ from our town, at least from the emotional standpoint, I have not yet physically left. Our home here has sold and just before Easter we went to babysit our grandkids in Kelowna. While there we looked for a new home and within a day we found the one we wanted. After some tenuous, but brief, negotiations we settled on a price. The heavy lifting had been done.

Much of our worldly possessions have either been packed or sold, and what’s left will be packaged shortly or taken to the trash. The new owners of our present home will take possession Apr.29th, we will take possession of our new place May 3rd.

We are of course excited. Plans are being developed for the logistics of the move and we have already renovated the new place in our minds. It’s a tiring endeavour.

We are surviving though, in fact we (as a couple) seem to be thriving. My wife has also put in her retirement papers and that just throws another stress builder into the mix. Taking it all together I often wonder how we manage to remain sane. Perhaps I’m not, maybe that’s the clue.

I chalk a lot of my patience up to my recent efforts to calm my soul. As I mentioned before I went back on an anti-depressant some months ago. In addition I have been seeing a counsellor for that same period, and because I felt I was having some anger issues I also began going to a group counselling session. It included not only the ‘anger’ component but also a ‘dealing with stress’ and ‘self-worth’ elements.

Of all these support mechanisms the personal counselling helped the most. While I like working with my previous counsellor Gloria I really enjoyed this one, Elly. We connected and I felt she really listened and helped me understand more of what and who I was trying to be. The Coles Notes version of my sessions were that I can be, and feel, whatever I choose. The key there is that I ‘feel’, and recognize and appreciate exactly what I’m ‘feeling’. Accept and embrace it, it/they (feelings) are me and to deny them is to deny who I am.

Explaining the benefits of the sessions through a few lines in a blog is difficult, needless to say I am sad I have to stop.

And so we will be moving on, and moving forward toward another chapter in our lives. I am excited, I am optimistic, I am happy I will be closer to my daughter and grandkids. I feel all good things.